Unbearable

Unbearable discipline and
Self-control. The world dull
green and white, pale
Except inside, greying bones;
Red embers warm muscles,
That bend to touch so gently
The world cannot see it.
They miss so much, the frightened
Eyes and damp nerves—
Everything that twirls past
Like an inconceivable cascade
Made hot with blood, mouth
And foaming torrent, too fast.
But to speak words that are
Less than a mask, a self-negation,
This is work—this is labor—and
A dying. The flood rages, drags
With an irresistible current, and
Every day struggling upstream
Tears the heart. But breathing
Quietly withdrawn, and longing
For another nearly-imperceptible
Touch—or worse, screaming,
Clawing at the breast, the mouth,
The jagged shoal—
Rather another hour
Of unbearable discipline
And self-control.